Sep. 4, 2017

What's wrong with me?

A longtime friend confided in me that people were contacting her asking her what is wrong with me. Me, as in Roni. I was caught off guard but thanked her for sharing those folks’ concern about me with me. I also asked her to ask them to ask me if they were genuinely concerned about me. In my opinion, anything else was gossip. Now I bet they really want to know what is wrong with me.

Hmmm…, what’s wrong with me? Do you mean besides my son joining the military in 1999 and being deployed seven times? Or do you mean because I was once the youngest of four children and now am the only daughter left standing since both sisters died from cancer?

Or maybe it is because I watched my childhood church lose 75% of its membership only to have Deacons tell me that “God was purging the flock?” When you are an assertive woman, church goers really struggle with you. Ask Hillary Clinton.

Maybe it is because my middle son, who was living in Illinois at the time, ran over his foot with a lawnmower? That kind of messed me up when I was unsure of his prognosis and was 1,051 miles away.

Maybe it is because I spent my entire life trying to be what people wanted me to be instead of following through with God’s call for my life because men wouldn’t grant me permission? Maybe that’s what is wrong with me.

It could be that my baby son decided to move to New York City for the chance of a lifetime in his career, but little hometown mama had to let go?  I must admit there are times his living in NYC concerns me.

Maybe I grew tired of a local pastor deciding to be condescending to me publicly when he has never met me personally.

Maybe I have a problem with the fact that we financially supported a missionary couple for five years and when we explained we felt led to begin supporting a large non-profit assisting with poverty and refugees, we didn’t get so much as a thank you note from them?

Maybe I’m just tired? Maybe I am just mean? Maybe I am nuts?

I love how The Message puts it: “God pays no attention to what others say (or what they think) about you. He makes up His own mind.” Romans 2:11

Thanks for asking. If anyone anywhere out there wants to know what’s wrong with me, just ask me. To be honest, to do otherwise simply doesn’t convince me that you care about me at all.