I am burdened by sin. It’s funny. I’m not burdened by the sin of our nation or the sin of our world. I am burdened by the sin of Christ’s church.
I’ve struggled for quite a while knowing that my bias is against church people. I’ve confessed to my Father that I don’t want to live this way. I want the bitterness and anger to be healed. I want to love church again.
Tonight, I came to a turning point in my spiritual walk. I confessed my sins to my Father. I didn’t try to explain them away or rationalize why I felt the way I feel. I simply admitted my sins and yielded to His will. I asked Him to make me a nicer person.
I’ve shared with you before that I believe God uses everyday things to get our attention. I’ve shared with you that one-liners in movies serve to change my entire outlook on life. I shared over the summer that I was confident God led me to the movie, Wonder Woman, in an effort to provide insight into my own spiritual battles. Tonight, God repeated His routine. God led me to watch the movie, Collateral Beauty.
As God usually does, He didn’t lead me to a movie that was something I would pick on my own. He didn’t entice me by any scenes from a trailer or by using the description of the movie in the TV Guide. God led my spirit to watch the movie assuring me that I would, once again, know His lesson when I saw it.
The movie was about a very broken man. The movie was about the man’s deep grief. The movie showed three friends of the man trying to prove that he was mentally incompetent. The movie used three actors to play specific parts to speak healing over the man.
The friends in the movie struggled with whether they were doing the right thing or not. They encouraged one another to stand firm in their convictions. The three actors played their parts beautifully. The final scenes of the movie added some amazing twists and turns.
The story was powerful. The story was sweet. The message was both meaningful and heart breaking. As the movie wound down, this sentence came to my mind and I found myself repeating it over and over and over again: The ones who think they are well are the sickest of them all.
Something tells me that God will remove the bitterness and anger I’ve been feeling. He will not, however, stop revealing brokenness to me. God doesn’t always remove the burden, but He will use our pain for His glory.
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:3-5