May. 20, 2017

Just forget the world...

My blogs have turned into a personal journal as I spend time with my sister during her final days. Writing raw emotions isn’t an attempt to seek pity or to make this experience about myself. The experience is 100% about my sister, Debbie.

Our lives have taken a very different twist than ever expected. We’ve already lost one sister to cancer. I would have never dreamed God would allow my family to lose another beautiful soul to this devastating disease. He's allowing it. Again.

Yesterday, the decision was made to remove my sister from a ventilator. We didn’t share it publicly in order to respect her privacy. We also understood some would choose to judge us for risking her life by removing her from a machine. Her life. Key words there: her life. We honor her life by following her instructions.

We were told that she would not have the strength to breathe on her own once the tubes were removed. They were wrong. She kept breathing.

Less than 24 hours, we were called back to the hospital. Again.

The hospice team told us she would go quickly. Out of respect for my sister, there is no need to share the details; however, I want to share she kept breathing. Again.

The point of death is so difficult, yet so beautiful. To look into the eyes of someone you love and realize you are most likely getting the last glimpse of them that you will ever get again is bittersweet.

If I could crawl into bed with my sister, I would crawl into bed with my sister. Instead, I got as close as I could and whispered words to her that I hope she found both comforting and loving. I love her so much.

This song came to mind. I am well aware that it is a love song. I am also aware that each of us is allowed to define love in the terms we need in times such as this. I wish I could make the world stop. Just stop.

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Debbie, you are loved.