Jan. 14, 2017

Praise Him, Praise Him, tell of His wonderful greatness!

I participated in a 2-day, very intense spiritual formation retreat this weekend. We were told the first day that “retreat” wasn’t an accurate description. Surprisingly, a working retreat is exactly what it was for me.

I’ve lived and functioned the past 15 years as a very angry child of God. I believe I knew from the start that anger had taken control of me, but I somehow seemed to justify the anger by calling it “authenticity.” Jesus was never authentically mean.

As part of a time of reflection and healing, I made a list of those people who have offended me and of people I know that I’ve offended. The list was two pages long. Oops.

I left a third page as a “just-in-case” page realizing I have most likely offended some without even knowing it. I’ve been in a difficult place for many, many, many years. I do not feel led to offer excuses but I was able, with a deep soul searching experience, to identify reasons. Perhaps someday I will share what the Holy Spirit revealed to me. Maybe. Maybe not.

I feel release. I feel peace. I feel forgiveness. I am offering forgiveness.

To those of you who simply allowed me to be where I am but didn’t hold anything against me, thank you. For those of you who held me accountable, but remained loving, thank you. For those of you who rebuked my habitual disobedience, thank you. For those of you who have absolutely no clue of what I am talking about, thank You, Lord.

Jesus came to earth to reconcile and restore humanity to a Holy God. His Church must continue His work in His absence. I am part of that Church. I’ve been embarrassed and refused to claim my brothers and sister for far too long. The problem wasn’t with them. The problem was in me.

I’m sorry.

God is good. Even when I’m not. Psalm 8. Peace out.